I Can’t Find My Soulmate

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Male. Age 20. Speaks English.

Those 3 words are my answers when someone from the internet asks you about your ASL (Age, Sex, Location) The first time I was asked this is in an online game. By now, you might picture me as a geek who is into games a lot with a boring social life. That’s why,

I’m scared that I won’t be able to find my soulmate

But, you may be different from me — You might be with someone who is an amazing partner or you are still in the process of recovering from your past relationships, not knowing when to start trusting and learn to love … Again

Right now, what’s clear is you haven’t found your soulmate yet. You are unsure if the person your with right now is ‘the one’ And this is why in this post I’m going to share with you how:

1. Who exactly is your soulmate?

2. How to find your soulmate through traveling

3. How to talk to strangers

4. You only have 90 seconds before someone loses trust

5. You’re not handsome nor beautiful? I’ll show you what to do

6. And lastly a BONUS: A personal story of me on what it’s like getting hurt and finding love

. . .

About this article: This isn’t going to be another “how-to-relationship” guide with common answers that you probably can search for. But it is based on experiences and life-applicable. I genuinely wish that someone had written this guide when I first started out finding my soulmate. So feel free to take notes and let’s get into it!

Pexels | Photo by kaboompics

Who exactly is your soulmate?

We define soulmate as the person who you’ll spend the rest of your life with. Your “other-half” and the person who completes you.

They are the people who make your heart jump every morning when you see them. They are also the same people who will assure you with a hug when you are going through hardship.

It could be your best friend right now in life or a person who you’ll meet in the future. Soulmates are persons who perfectly “fit” you, and you’ll learn in the next part on How to Find them.

Pexels | Photo by Artem Beliaikin

Let’s find your soulmate through Traveling

Wait for a second, I can combine the 2 best things in life at the same time?

Believe it or not, there are a lot of real-life stories out there to where people found their partner through traveling.

Look, there are a lot of benefits out there on traveling but I’ll be cutting straight-to-the-point on how it relates to finding your partner since it is what you are here for in the first place.

One caveat: this sadly, doesn’t apply to all people. Some people still don’t accept interracial relationships. This article is not meant to force you but to open your viewpoint.

When you travel, your perception shifts. The very moment when you open your eyes to a new country, there are a lot of changes that are right already happening in front of you:

  • You couldn’t go to your local cafe for your usual cup of coffee. Instead, you might be served tea when you travel to India.
  • Cereal or Oats maybe your usual breakfast but in some countries like the Philippines, rice is served first thing in the morning.

So how can traveling enable you to find your soulmate? Let’s take a mini-lesson on,

Pexels | Photo by Helena Lopes

How to talk to strangers

First, you need to be willing to meet strangers.

Generally, allow yourself to talk with them. It could be as simple as walking down the street and you might find a musician playing in public spaces. Sure offering a tip for their awesome performance would help them, but if personally take the time to thank them for their display of skill, that will make them appreciate you more than the person who paid the highest tip.

Of course, we take into consideration that not just everyone has the guts to approach a performer. I would admittedly be awkward when asking for a picture knowing I don’t have twice the skill they do. So, let’s play it down a bit,

Another great opportunity to meet a lot of new people is in a restaurant that you might be dining at, a cafe or even a bar. Smile back to the waiter, you know that they have had a bad day already with previous customers, and it goes a long way that you may be surprised to get a complimentary dish for free.

Pexels | Photo by Yuri Catalano

People decide to trust you or not in 90 seconds

If someone doesn’t know you, you generally have 30–90 seconds of window time before they decide that you are a good person and not someone who is harassing them.

You want to convince the person that you are not there to take advantage of them, you are not to hurt them or even sell them. You are there to become a friend.

This is a lot to ask for in 90 seconds, but there are simple ways you could do it.

  1. Make eye contact
  2. Be confident
  3. Smile

Yes, there are a lot of other factors that are needed to build trust with someone, but if you only have 30–90 seconds, these 3 methods are what I would personally use.

Effortless as it sounds, not everyone surprisingly does this

Even I failed to make eye contact sometimes. Think about it, when is the last time you made eye contact with someone instead of scrolling your phone while talking at the same time? These are 3 simple methods with a profound impact.

This is the first domino, only a few percentages of people who are total strangers become soulmates in the end. A lot of couples who met from traveling are introduced from either a mutual friend or family member living in another country. I decided to tackle this first since not all people know someone from another country.

By now, you already know how to meet a complete stranger and how to build trust within 90 seconds or less so,

Pexels | Photo by Juan Pablo Serrano Arenas

What to do if you have aren’t exactly beautiful or handsome

I have always been that person with average looks. The truth behind it is not even that great: I don’t have the most generous height, my face is round and I am still waiting for the perfect jawline I thought I would be able to get through rigorous training.

Overall, I can be considered normal. Maybe you have a normal face.

You don’t have to be eye-catching. You don’t even have to workout like me if you don’t want to.

You see, when you travel to a new place, they will perceive you as a different person. This applies to countries where there is not much cultural diversity. If you went to a university where they rarely accept exchange-students, and suddenly a foreign participant with porcelain-white skin and his hair styled similar to famous Korean tv stars. Even if he doesn’t have a 6 pack like the movies portray nor speaks perfect English, you might still find him attractive.

Some people are more attracted to things that are different. Attracted to novel things. Subjects that are new and interesting. You don’t need to become a super-hot person to attract a foreign counterpart. What makes you different is what makes you attractive.

Admittedly, a lot of these factors can be influenced by your childhood.

From who you are watching on YouTube, up to what music you are listening to. A few years back, it was One Direction and Justin Beiber who ruled the headlines, now Korean Pop Artists are ruling the media, there is no denying that there are thousands of teenagers across the world who are devoted to following this group. You might be influenced that a perfect partner for you then is someone similar to a Korean personality.

In the end, it is all about perception. Yes, in terms of finding a partner’s standard, we have preference over one ethnicity over the other but it comes down to who that person is on the inside. Because even when you both grow old together and faces aren’t as youthful as they once are, the only thing that makes you both stick together till death is knowing who you are to each other deep down and not just from the outside pictures.

So, here we are. We tackled already some tips but in the next part, we see what it’s like from my experience first-hand on getting hurt and finding love,

Pexels | Photo by Gustavo Fring

Don’t force yourself to find love at a young age

One of my hobbies besides gaming is reading a lot of novels

This may not come across as a shock to you but from a person who reads a lot of best-selling novels in the teenage romance category, where stories show of 15-year-olds having explicit sex, I’m honestly shocked…

Then again, it’s maybe because of my culture where intercourse is forcibly kept under wraps and not widely discussed. But after reading that fiction book, I fantasize about what it’s like protecting someone who truly cares for me, I dreamt about having a girl that I can dedicate 100% of my life to.

So began the journey of finding a girlfriend.

(Yep, that’s literally what I did.) It can’t be that hard finding someone who likes you, right? And at that point, I regretted those very words.

It was a 2-year long journey. I changed myself drastically. You know, those Hollywood tv shows where the main character sprawls into the venue of their reunion, he sees a stranger across the room, walks up to greet him and realizes that the stranger was previously an obese kid who is a nobody in the classroom, but now they have cut into shape, with the perfect tone of masculine jawline that the media is offering him a career as an actor

Well, that’s what you call the surprising-turn-of-events in the story. In my case, it was quitting my gaming addiction. Left my geeky life, shaved and decided to man up and try to ‘talk’ to girls and not just awkward introductions (I’m still learning it to this day, to be honest with you) Also, after giving up going to gym the first time when I was 15, This time I finally lost weight after pushing hard.

You could say by now after reading the changes I put myself into, “He should finally have gotten a girlfriend by now.”

But, the truth is still far from it.

Here’s the full story of my journey of finding a girlfriend:

[insert link of another article: So I began my journey of finding a girlfriend]

Save this article to read later.

I know, I thought that I would at least have someone to spend my most precious moments with by now. But for love, all we need to do is wait. You can’t force people to like you back and that’s the truth. Yes, you can influence them by sending a box of chocolates or texting them good night, but if the other person has truly no interest in you, then move on.

Handle the pain of rejection. Trust me, you’ll find moving on very hard. It’s agony to handle the grief of losing the chance to spend eternity with the person you admire. The person you dreamt about all night long, the person that makes your heart beat fast when they enter the classroom door.

But that person can never be with you just because of the sole reason — they don’t like you back.

And you must deal with the suffering. The suffering that you put yourself into. The suffering that I put myself into where I wished to end up with my crush, the person I admire. Stealing glances to her every single moment even if there is that slightest chance that they won’t like you back.

This is why when I began this section: Don’t expect and even force yourself to find your soulmate in your teenage life. Maybe not even your Young Adult or Career Life.

Sure, it’s a lot of pressure since you can turn your head left and right and see couples getting married, going on a honeymoon while you are still single.

But we are talking about love here, something that you can’t control. Yes, it is something that you can influence someone, and you can see how I got hurt because of it.

If pushing harder won’t work, then it’s also time to pull back and let fate work. Because the day where you gave up on waiting might be just the day you might finally meet your soulmate.

Conclusion:

Now, we have already gone on a journey from how to attract someone even if you first don’t know each other, how to maintain that relationship, and why not forcing yourself to love at such an early age is a gift in itself.

Don’t be in a rush to find your soulmate (Don’t get hurt, learn from my mistake)

And one day you might just come across them when you least expect it.

This post was previously published on Hello, Love and is republished here with permission from the author.

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Photo credit: Pexels

The post I Can’t Find My Soulmate appeared first on The Good Men Project.


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