I've always been the reader and movie-lover in my friend group. The way that stories and characters inspire me to be the best version of myself touches my soul in a way that nothing else does. I was already an imaginative child, but after my family moved across our state, I spent all of middle school connecting with fictional words and characters, so I spoke to relationship expert Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT, for a look at why our bonds with fictional characters are so strong.
"There are many reasons we might feel connected [to characters]," Earnshaw says. "As humans, we never lose our desire to dream, imagine, and fantasize — connecting to characters in a story is an example of doing that." Additionally, having an emotional connection with fictional characters improves our empathy and our capacity for relating to other people.
As I aged, I felt like I was growing up with my favorite characters, from The Chronicles of Narnia's Lucy Pevensie to the various superheroes in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. As someone who's on the quieter side, it's always been inspiring to see characters that are brave under pressure because it makes me feel like I can be brave, too.
"Being able to see the representation of what could be can allow [children] to fantasize that they have it for themselves, allowing them to create a world within their minds that feels safe," Earnshaw says. "Even more, it can also allow for the child to model themselves after a character they respect — perhaps, they live in a home that is critical but see a character on TV that is supportive, and because of their desire to have that, they then learn to do it for others."
As children, we enjoy consuming media that inspires us and shows us actual examples of what certain character traits look like. Earnshaw says that as we age, the stories we love might also depend on the experiences we've had, like how Emily in Paris and Bridgerton remind me of when I lived in Europe. Watching those shows immediately brings me back to when I twirled around the English countryside or ate every last crumb of my favorite French pastries.
While we can put our favorite characters on a pedestal because of those ideal personality traits, it's also inspiring to see the times that they mess up. "We tend to love characters who are multidimensional," Earnshaw says. "We want to see the parts of them that are funny, confident, and smart, but we also feel connected when we can see layers of insecurity or mistakes made."
Complicated characters like Little Women's Jo March (who's independent yet lonely) and Stranger Things' Steve Harrington (who grows from a cowardly bully to a courageous brother figure) feel more human — and in turn, more relatable. Seeing them go through specific struggles that I've also faced not only lets me feel less alone but also makes me believe that I can make it through, too.
A study from Ohio State University's Timothy Broom shows that when people connect to a character, that fictional person can become intertwined with their own self. While that connection is good in moderation, sometimes your view of a fictional character can interfere with your real relationships.
"If you become too emotionally invested, it could prevent you from being connected to people in real life — people who might not fit the mold of a character created for TV," Earnshaw says.
Real life isn't made up of clear-cut arcs the way that television shows are, and your friends and partners aren't going to be the golden archetypes you find in fiction. However, it's also important to remember that you're not going to be able to live up to a fictional archetype either.
"Fictional romances can make us believe that our own romances should look exactly as we see them on the screen," Earnshaw says. "The same with how friendships and family relationships might be represented. But in real life, relationships are more complex and include day-to-day interactions which can't possibly be demonstrated on TV."
With so many shows and movies available, it takes no time at all to fall out of one hyperfixation and into another, but Earnshaw says that's not necessarily a bad thing. "Remind yourself that it's okay to have a fantasy! It is also okay to admire a character. I think it's super important not to have shame around this," she says. "And then, use that admiration and fantasy to consider what it means for your real life — what are you hoping for? What type of connections do you need?"
When you can redirect the inspiration, passion, and love that you feel for your favorite characters to your real life, imagine the kind of good you can accomplish.
Classic TV Crushes
Jess from "Gilmore Girls"
We'll never get over the way that Jess's tough-guy persona contrasts his heart of gold. From the moment he sees Rory, Jess is intrigued by her, and it doesn't take long for him to fall head over heels. Jess genuinely puts Rory before himself throughout his time on the show, calling her out when she made bad decisions or encouraging her to write about her life with Lorelai. Plus, his passion for reading makes us love him even more.
Zack and Slater from "Saved by the Bell"
Zack and Slater are two of our favorite sitcom BFs, and they are definitely the coolest guys at Bayside. Neither of these two takes themself too seriously, but they always show up when someone they love needs them, which is a dependability we all look for in a romantic partner. Even as kids, we appreciated how their friendship with each other, and with the rest of the crew, balanced funny moments with serious issues that teens face. And even when they hit rough patches (ahem, fighting over Kelly), Zack and Slater modeled what it looks like to forgive and move on.
Pacey from "Dawson's Creek"
Pacey was such a good foil to Dawson because he never took himself too seriously. Whereas Dawson’s dreams of becoming a filmmaker would likely always come before love in his life, there’s no doubt Pacey would always put Joey above anything and everything else. He’s got some bad-boy energy, but it’s in complete balance with how incredibly dependable he actually is. He's the type to take you sailing around the ocean for a summer and show you new experiences, and Dawson could never compete with that free-spirited nature that is so alluring in a partner.
Nathan Scott from "One Tree Hill"
From conceited high school bully to caring husband and father, Nathan goes through a lot during One Tree Hill's nine seasons. We're talking basketball rivalries, paralysis, and dealing with loan sharks to name a few. Not only does his competitive drive to be the best version of himself inspire us, but his constant love and care for Haley before and after they're married is a beautiful display of selfless love that still melts our hearts.
Who are your favorite fictional characters? Let us know on Twitter and subscribe to our email newsletter for more entertainment content.
Featured image collage: Stranger Things image via Netflix, Bridgerton image via Liam Daniel/Netflix, Insecure image via Justina Mintz/HBO, and Emily in Paris image via Stéphanie Branc/Netflix